Why are we so hard on ourselves? No matter how hard we work, how much money we spend, or how long we spend getting ready, we still find flaws in the mirror. This Vegas trip has made me realize how hard I am on myself. I’m sure other women can relate. I felt like I needed to write this just in case someone else was going through the same thing. I’m not great at putting my feelings into words, but I’ll give it a shot. I’m about to admit some pretty embarrassing things, but hopefully someone can relate.
Vegas is full of beautiful people. I thought I had pretty good self esteem until this trip. I’ve gone to Vegas a ton of times, but for some reason, this trip was different. Maybe it was because I was with Jeremy and his parents instead of a group of friends. I kept feeling self conscious. I would feel bad about being in jeans while the person next to me was in a skin tight dress. I felt bad because girls would walk around with giant boobs and I’ve been an A cup all my life. I would look at the girls with gorgeous made up faces with their hair done and feel bad because my hair was just wavy from the shower. I kept finding things that I didn’t like about myself.
After feeling like this, I realized it wasn’t healthy. I’m tired of thinking I need to be as pretty as the person next to me, or on tv, or wherever. The media portrays a false picture of what people really look like. I need to be happy in my own skin no matter how I look. I don’t want to strive to be someone else just because they’re classified as beautiful. What could kill you, doesn’t make you perfect because no one is perfect. Perfection would be boring. I should feel the most beautiful when I’m naturally me. In all honesty, I don’t like getting dressed up, putting on loads of make up, or spending hours on my hair. That’s not who I am. I like to take a shower, let my hair get wavy (sometimes frizzy), put on some mascara, lip gloss, jeans, and a T shirt. That is who I am, and I should feel my best at that. If my hair won’t corporate, who cares! I’ll embrace it. If my jeans are feeling snug, I’ll throw on the sweats. If my face is breaking out, I’ll just deal with it. I’m tired of stressing over little things that I can’t fix. Life is so much better when appearance isn’t your number one priority.
So from now on, I am going to STOP comparing myself to other people. I’m going to embrace my flaws and things I can’t fix. I’m going to stop feeling bad when someone has something I don’t. God made me the way I am and I should feel blessed. It shouldn’t make me feel any less beautiful. I will stop calling myself ugly, fat, stupid, or anything else to bring myself down. It won’t make me any prettier or smarter. Bashing yourself around people is an ugly cycle. Remember the movie Mean Girls? The girls are bashing themselves in the mirror together like it’s some kind of trend. There are so many things to worry about in life and my appearance shouldn’t be one of them. People don’t even care how you look. All of these thoughts in our heads are only in our heads.
And it’s not only the way we look that we bash. I bash the way I draw, the way I write, and the way I laugh! It’s embarrassing to admit, but while I’m trying to embrace who I am in every way…I grew up in achievement classes as a kid because I had a hard time reading and writing. I still don’t know my lefts and rights. I make the “L’s” with my hand. But that is who I am and when I acknowledge it, I can work on improving. Yeah, it hurts when people make fun of my punctuation, spelling and the way I write, but that’s not going to stop me from blogging. It’s who I am. I try hard to do it right, but when I make a mistake from now on, I won’t beat myself up about it.
I’m going to keep being me in every natural way possible. That is what makes me feel good. Beauty truly does come from within. To me, beautiful is when a person smiles, laughs, cries and loves. I don’t need to workout and eat healthy because it’ll make me look like other people. I need to be me and only me. People can say what they want about me, but at the end of the day…it only makes me stronger.